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My "ex" is now a Kapuso celebrity

My "ex" is now a Kapuso celebrity

October 12, 2008

Ok, so, just a disclaimer. This guy became my "boyfriend." But, since I always claim that I've really been single since birth, I couldn't consider this guy as a real "boyfriend." Because our relationship was only via SMS messages and late night phone calls. Yes, we did meet up just once but there's not much really going on there. I mean, it's just really not it. I dunno how to explain it. But he's just an "ex" in a sense that he made me believe that there was really something going on between the two of us. But, I think it was a still a miracle.

But, I also would like to blame myself for what happened with the two us.

First off, I'm not gonna post his picture on my blog. He's an up coming male singer in the Kapuso network and I don't wanna create a fuzz about his teenage life. And most especially about building a link with him once again. As far as I'm concerned, he's just "someone that I used to know...and love."

Maybe you're gonna ask me as to why I'll be writing this entry whereas, in the first place, I have no intentions of revealing his true self, anyway. You may also think that I may have a hidden agenda with this one. But, to tell you now, with all honesty, swear to God, I really have no intentions whatsoever upon writing this entry. I've always been very open about my life regardless of how other people may think of it. One of my primary mission in life is to share to all the young faggies out there how my life was as a faggy when I was growing up. I know that these kids are also undergoing a series of unexplainable events in their lives right now. I want to share with them that I also experienced these same things when I was young and, hopefully, they could learn something from them, too. Now, the question young faggy kids really read my blog? My answer...a big...I DUNNO.

Haha! LOLZ!

Ok, so, enough with the intro.

I was shopping for some CDs in my beloved Odyssey record bar in SM Megamall last Wednesday, noon time. I was searching for the recently released "A Very Special Love" DVD and the Limited Edition Jonas Brothers Jewel something-kinda-something album. I wasn't able to buy the latter but I did get a copy of the first one. And out of frustation of not having been able to buy the Jonas Brothers Limited Edition album, I just decided to see some other CDS and DVDs in the store. Thus, making me spend more than P1,700.00 that day. Geesh. I'm really such an impulsive buyer. But, that's not the point here. While I was browsing some CDs in the OPM section, I saw a familiar looking face on the cover of one of the CDs there. The name also looked so familiar to me. I'm not gonna mention his name anymore because you might easily guess who he is.

I took a closer look at the guy on the CD. Without having and second thoughts, I immediately recognized who he was. I put the CD down. I didn't wanna buy it. It looked a little cheap, but, it was a little intriguing in a way. Maybe because there're some chapters in my past that're somewhat connected to this CD.

It's only P199.00, so, I changed my mind and just thought of buying it, anyway. There were only 2 copies on that display tray where I saw that CD. I kinda realized that, oh's this guy gonna make some money with his music if there're only 2 copies of his CD that're on display? I mean, c'mon, if you wanna put up a restaurant, would you just be contented with having only one table and two chairs? I also don't wanna think that he has something to do with the distribution channel because, of course, he's the artist. It's the marketing team who should do something about it. And I think that they're not doing pretty well with their job. I'm sorry. The guy is a little new in the industry. How can his debut album do well and sell like pancakes if there are only 2 copies of his album that're on display? I guess Odyssey also has a say to this. I guess the management only allows a certain number of CDs to be displayed if the artist isn't that popular, yet. But, his recording company should do something about it. Otherwise, he could just be a one-hit or no-hit wonder. That'll be too painful.

Anyway, I guess you could also sense some resentment on my post. Yes, just a little.

I was 16 when I first met him and he was 15. I was in Poveda while he was in Kostka. (LOLZ! Poveda! Haha! Me? A Povedan? That's really my greatest ambition, swear. My mom also wanted me to go to Poveda. And she even almost forgot to realize that her baby is a faggy. Haha! I love Povedans. They're one of the nicest girls in the metro, swear. As in. I had classmates in Ateneo before who were Povedans. They're really so nice.) I'm not sure if he really went to Kostka in high school because when he first introduced himself to me, he told me that he was from Ateneo High School. Well, of course, I didn't quite tell him, too, that I was a Povedan. Haha!

We exchanged SMS messages every so often. I'm not gonna tell what kinda messages those were. Haha! They were pretty cheesy. Hey, we were just so young, then. OK? LOLZ!

He also sometimes called me at night. Well, I think there was one instance when he always called me every night for a week or so and I would spend a minimum of 30 minutes to a maximum of 2 hours on the phone. I couldn't remember much about what we would talk about back then. It had been more or less 5 years already. But what I could remember were those instances when he'd sing on the phone for me. He was really so sweet, then. He's also some sort of a smoker and a drinker back then. There were times that he'd call me on my mobile phone when he's drunk and I'd just tell him to go to bed and then he'd hand up and then I'd be calling him again and tell him that I was sorry and that I missed him and stuff. Haha! CHEESY! Haha!

But, to cut the long story short, our relationship was more of an on-and-off one.

I invited him to attend a high school play that I was a part of last February 2003. He told me that he was gonna come and see me after the play. So, I waited and waited for him in the lobby of our auditorium. 30 minutes before the play would start, he told me that he was driving his way to our school already. During that time, it never really rang into my head as to how a 15-year-old boy would be able to drive a car at night without any driver's license. Swear, I was really still so dumbfounded about many things in life when I was in high school.

When the first half of the play was done, I checked for him in the audience to see if he was there but he wasn't. I checked my phone to see if he sent me a message. And he did. And he told me that he wouldn't be able to come to my play because he was with his girlfriend.

Oh, alright.


When I was still young, I really thought of myself as a real girl. A real girl who can have a real boyfriend. Swear to God, it never really occurred to me that I was gay. As in swear. I dunno why. I just treated myself as a girl. And most of my high school peers can attest to that.

So, going back, upon telling me that, I immediately broke up with him. I told him that I was gonna break up with him. And during that time, it was like the nth time that I broke up with him. Just like what I already told you, we had an on-and-off relationship. But, really, I don't even wanna consider that as a relationship. We were too young, then. We still didn't know what it's like to be in a relationship.

We met up a month after in SM Megamall on a Saturday afternoon. I was a chatter in PCTV, then, and we had weekly "eyeballs" in SM Megamall, so, I thought of asking him if he could meet up with me there that day. We met up at around 1 PM. I brought a chatter friend with me. Right now, I couldn't remember much who that chatter was. Swear. I'm such a bad friend, I know. But, this chatter was the "star witness" of everthing that happened between the two us. She saw everything.

10 minutes before 1 PM, he texted me and told me that he was in SM Megamall already. I asked him for his whereabouts and told him that I'd just go to his location with a friend. I immediately recognized him when I got there. I was wearing an all black outfit and he, too, was wearing an all black outfit. Except for his "then popular elephant pants." And then, all of a sudden, he hugged me. It was really so tight. Swear, I really got freakin' suprised. It was the very first time that I was ever hugged by a guy. My dad never hugged me. My uncles, male cousins, godfathers. None of them had every hugged me. No guy had ever hugged me...until that time.

My chatter friend saw that "hugging moment" between the two of us. I just looked at her and saw how surprised her face was. I, too, was really very surprised.

He was really very handsome. He was just a little shorter than me. I just really so hate my height. Being tall makes it hard to find a boyfriend because most cute guys are short. But, anyway, "size doesn't matter." LOLZ!

I just stayed with him for a short while. I told my chatter friend that she could leave us for a bit. I even told her that that guy wasn't gonna rape me so it's safe for her to leave me alone. Haha!

We sat on the steps of the stairs near the ground floor of Building B. He held my hand as we talked. During that time, I still couldn't believe and decipher what was really happening. Everything was really my "firsts." I still liked him, then, though, but summing up all the heartaches that he had caused me, I already made a decision that it was, then, over. Everything was over. Besides, when we had that meeting, he wasn't my "boyfriend" anymore but just a mere friend. He, too, knew about that. He just told me that he also wanted to see me so we set for that meeting.

After a short while, I told him that I needed to go already because my other friends were looking for me. He told me that he'd be waiting for me but I told him not to. Though, he still insisted. I really wanted to say goodbye to him already. Well, not for good, though. I wasn't closing any doors. But seeing him that day really brought back all the hurt that he had given me at such a tender age of my faggy life. He didn't look like the perfect Prince Charming that I was dreaming of when I was still young (I had a crush on Prince William, then. LOLZ!). But, he was really a little to close to my "ideal guy." But, everything just had to end.

He held my hand again as I bid him goodbye. I squeezed his palm and gave him a short soft hug. And then I gave him a peck on his right cheek. He was the first guy, except for my dad and uncles, that I kissed on the cheek. And he really smelled so manly nice, too, by the way.

I never saw him again after that. I went to college already and I also suffered from having a poor health and immune system. My mom got me a driver to send me to and from my school. I also had classes on Saturdays, so, it was a little very seldom that I got to escape my driver.

We still exchanged SMS changes from time to time. He also sometimes sent me pictures of him via MMS. He would also sometimes call me on my mobile phone in the afternoon and at night.

One time, he was drunk and he gave me a call. He told me that he wanted the two of us to be together again. During that time, I knew that he was already seeing someone. I just wasn't sure if it was a gay or a girl because, before, he told me that when I broke up with him, he somewhat entered into a relationship with a then 21-year-old gay guy. And then, when I added him in Friendster, I saw pictures of him with a girl and his status said that he was in a relationship. So, I really wasn't sure as to why he was asking me that. When I said no, I heard some silence on the other line. And then I heard him cry. SWEAR! I really dunno if that was so true. But, I really did hear him cry or sob. I couldn't remember much about that conversation. It was our last conversation, by the way. And I was never able to hear anything from him again. Not even a single text message. Especially not a phone call. Even until now.

I never talked about him in any of my posts in this blog. I never mentioned his name. I never posted his picture. I never thought of writing about our little so-called "love story" and telling it to the public. I don't wanna say that it's about time for me to that. There's always a time for everything. I don't believe in waiting for the right time for something. "Now" is always the right time because as far as you are concerned, "now" is the time that you currently have.

I guess one of the reasons why I decided to write a post solely dedicated to him is when I saw his CD. I wouldn't be a hypocrite. I just really remembered him when I saw his CD. He never occurred to me again until that time that I saw his CD. I know that he has a girlfriend right now. So, I guess telling you guys who he is or even posting his picture won't be that important. Besides, he has a career to build up. I will really just wanna support him. I'll make reviews of his music "as discreetly as possible." I don't wanna attend his malls shows. It's not that I don't wanna see him again. I seriously do wanna see him again. But, I just don't wanna create a fool outta myself by doing so.

I could say that he has been quite a miracle to me when I was young. He taught me a lot of things about myself, who I really am, my limitations. And even with the real situation that I'm really in right now. He taught me that a straight guy can still fall for a faggy without him turning into one. I'm not sure if he really loved me the way that I once loved him. I'm not sure if he did really love me the way that he told me that he had loved me. But, one thing is for sure, he's the guy who showed me everything that only once occurred in my mind. For once in my life, he made me see and feel a miracle.

For parts 2 and 3 go to:


Ming Meows said…
ang gusto lang naming malaman ay kung sino sya. Kung wala sa post, di bale na lang.
truevali said…
omg ang haba ng chica... sinechiwa ba itey becky na starlet? go for mega clues!!!
Oliver said…
hindi siya blind item so what's with the claim to fame?

Anonymous said…
"to make the long story short?" ano kba? ang haba na kaya ng kwento mo? kasing haba na rin ng hair mo! ano ka rapunzelle? chikadora.. hmp! hahaha.. alang kwente pala etech! hahaha.
Momel said…
I missed well written gay stories like this however all too stretched.
Anonymous said…
si Lex Lopex to

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