*originally published on Can't You Read?, 17 Feb 2009
WARNING: Reader discretion is strongly advised.
I have a certain degree of admiration for Sean Cody. I will explain why, but first, let me introduce him to my readers who do not watch gay porn, by quoting parts of his auto-written profile on his website. Here goes:
"Who am I? Well, I am an average guy who just happens to have a love for the beauty of the male form. I'm actually very normal in most respects and when people meet me they can't believe I do this because I am very clean cut and I look very straight-laced.
When I turned thirty I decided to start an adult website because I knew it was something I would enjoy. I had never even held a camcorder before and I didn't know what I was doing but I learned, mostly through trial and error.
I have a lot of fun running this site and that's why I do it. I've met a lot of cool people and experienced a lot of things I otherwise wouldn't have. The hardest part about being in this line of work is telling people what you do. Fortunately, my family and friends know and they're surprisingly accepting." (from seancody.com. To read the full write-up, click here)
For those who still didn't get it, Sean Cody is a pornographer. Almost every gay man I know, regardless of age, knows of Sean Cody and his works. Not everyone, but 9 out of 10 would be a realistic estimate. Out of these people that I know who know of him, there is not one person whom I know of, that hasn't seen his face in his videos. Yes, hetero readers. He has starred in some of his works.
I admire Sean Cody because he is a man with conviction. He decided what to do with his life and he stood by it. For some, making choices is easy, but for others it's not. For some, standing up for the choices they make is easy, especially if they know that the choice that they make fits in the stereotypical definition of noble; but for others, who make unpopular choices, it is not. Sean Cody is one of the "others". And the "others" is not a minority.
Every now and then, we make choices that people around us, even those whose opinions matter a lot to us, do not approve of. Sadly, even in this time of new age spirituality that fosters oneness and unity, when majority of our generation fights discord and discrimination and advocates living and letting live, the old adage "You can't please everybody" still holds true. Every option that we are faced with has its own audience, and its own critics, just like every option also has its pros and cons. Between the rock and the hard place, only we know which the better choice is. Only we know which one will give us the closest semblance to bliss and make us sleep soundly at night. If, in the middle of the night, we wake up and realize that the mosquitoes are ruining our sleep, then it is our obligation to ourselves to deal with them, since those mosquitoes are part and parcel of the choice that we made. Feeling sorry for ourselves is preposterous and undignified.
I do not believe that wrong decisions do exist. But there are ways in making decisions, by which we may be wrong. If I choose to be this and to live this way, it is a decision that is neither right nor wrong. It becomes wrong when in the end I realize that I didn't consider that it might be unpopular and that I might be criticized for it and end up explaining myself to people I love and questioning their loyalty and love for me. But if I can look at things objectively enough, I will see that what apparently is an absence of love and loyalty is actually the exact opposite. Since they love me too much, they're not around because they know that being around me will burden me even more. They stepped away because they're letting me be. They're letting me live my life the way I want to, and not the way they do.
Furthermore, if I am man enough to stand by my convictions, I will deal with the consequences of my own choice, even if they were unforeseen. I will not live my choices half-heartedly. I will live it with earnestness, just like the way Sean Cody jumped into his life as a pornographer with certitude the first time he appeared on-cam, fucking Nick. (If you don't have that yet, download it now. That's now considered a precious collector's item.)